BED

I'm starting to ramble and should go to bed,

for when I'm tired and irritable, I can't remember what I said.

But I know, as soon as I hit that bed, I'll be wide awake,

yes, once again, it's because of all that cake.

And the sweets... I know that,

which is why if I'm not careful, I'll get really fat. 

Cakes and sweeties are my downfall and I need to stop the rot.

I need to halt the process of eating the flipping lot.

I said to my husband, would you mind if I stayed the weight I am.

And he said, 'I love you because you're voluptuous, now eat this can of spam.'

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Credit where credit is due, he did say voluptuous, but the bit about the spam is not true.
Because he knows, if he were to say anything like that, I would turn the air blue. 

Oh by the way, did I tell you my hubby is training to be a diplomat.
Yes, it's true, when it comes to feminine issues, 
he can deal with all that.

He's had over thirty years of placating my moods, 
especially when it comes to sweet, sugary foods.